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Season Two Cast and Credits

Cast (in order of appearance)

Cast (in order of appearance)
Cast (in order of appearance)

ANNOUNCER   Jeff Harris

ROWAN LAWSON   Daniel Christensen

THIRD-RATE UNDERBOSS  Helena Kobayashi

ROWAN CARTWRIGHT  Leo Kobayashi

GARNETT   Erin Hauk

ARTIE / REGULUS TIBERIUS  Nixon VanJustice

DESPAIR   Courtney Jo

CORPORAL GRAY  Cristin Williams

THEOPHANY BREWER  Lecion Meyers

BARD COMMUNITY COLLEGE  Gail Javarah Wamba

BAILIFF SIMON KOENIG  Ramon Arjona

STABLE BOY  Daniel Christensen

TARIQA SEVERINA   Gail Javarah Wamba

THEODORA HOGGLESBOGGER   Shawna Jacques

DOMINA THALESTRIS   Sunnie Larsen

JOSHUA SMITH  Tim Bruhn

KEVIN GUILDER  Eric Cagle

RONNIE  Shawna Jacques

STELLA  Jon Sewell

DEEPWATER HEALTH DEPARTMENT  Sunnie Larsen

SHERIDAN JAMESON SMITHWICK (SHART)  Tim Bruhn

FAIRUZA (MATH WITCH)  Dana Bettinger

MAMA BOLG  Melissa Holm

K'THOL THE DEFILER  Eric Cagle

FABULOUS FALTERMEYER (JUNIOR)  Kat Ralbovsky

PRIMROSE MILTON  Gayle Staker

GUILDMASTER MILTON  Nixon VanJustice

HOBGOBLIN SHAMAN (LITTLE GHOST-TALKER)  Kellen Barber

HOBGOBLIN LIEUTENANT  Cristin Williams

BROTHER OWLBEAR  Josh Kibbey

GOBLIN #6 (Lidi)  Gayle Staker

BROTHER LOTUS BLOODBATH  Kat Ralbovsky

SIBLING ASCENDANT WREN  Lecion Meyers

BROTHER BADGER (NELWYN HOGGLESBOGGER)  Joshua Hanson

GOBLIN #1 (ZUG)  Leo Kobayashi

GOBLIN #2 (ZOG)  Helena Kobayashi

VERNA  Helena Kobayashi

XOLO  Joshua Hanson

TUSK BLOODBATH  Kellen Barber

GHOST-TALKER  Eric Cagle

SHARP TOOTH BLOODBATH  Gayle Staker

BOAR MOTHER BLOODBATH  Melissa Holm

LAS BO-I-THUL  Ramon Arjona

ROWAN SMITH  Leo Kobayashi

SERGEANT  Jon Sewell

GAIA BREWER  Dana Bettinger

GAVIN GREENE  Josh Kibbey

COMMANDER  Jeff Harris


Credits

Cast (in order of appearance)
Cast (in order of appearance)

Story written by Daniel Christensen

Commercials written by Ana Kobayashi Christensen


Directed by Melissa Holm

Audio Recording and Editing by Jon Sewell

Music by Jon Sewell, Christian Stivason, Jim Thompson


Foley sounds provided by zapsplat.com

Recorded at Eleusyve Studios, Tacoma, WA


"The Final Call"

Words and music by Jon Sewell and Daniel Christensen

Performed by Jon Sewell and Melissa Holm


Character Art by Lucas Elliott 

www.lucaselliottart.com


Website by Brian Coppola


Social Media by Ana Kobayashi Christensen and Courtney Jo

Advice, Alcohol, and Awesomeness courtesy of Shannon Perry

oz-9.com


Website images by unsplash.com, specifically:

Almos Bechtold

Ricardo Cruz
Gioele Fazzeri

Rafael Garcin
Godz1  
Anna Gru

Robert Lukeman

Mario Pergola

Marcel Strauss

Linus Sandvide

Nik Shuliahin

Zoran Borojevic


Except as listed below, all text copyright 2026 by Kobayastensen Media

Production copyright 2026 by Kobayastensen Media


A Paladin’s Bargain is unofficial fan content permitted under the Fan Content policy of Wizards of the Coast. Wizards of the Coast neither approved nor endorsed this content. (http://company.wizards.com/en/legal/fancontentpolicy)


This work is intended for entertainment purposes only.


The characters, situations, and narratives in this parody are fictional. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, or persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. This work is not meant to be a factual representation of the original source material, nor should it be considered a substitute for the original work.


The creators of this parody do not claim any rights to the original work and acknowledge the intellectual property rights of the original creators. This parody is not endorsed by, directly affiliated with, maintained, authorized, or sponsored by the original creators or any of their affiliates. Any trademarks featured or referred to within this parody are the property of their respective trademark holders.


This disclaimer is intended to clarify the purpose of this parody and to respect and acknowledge the rights of the original creators. The aim is not to diminish or impugn the original work, but rather to offer a humorous or critical interpretation for entertainment purposes only.


For the items listed below, we state that our production is not associated with the original creators or any entities affiliated with the original work. For non-copyright items, information is included for context and for those not drowning in pop culture.



Episode 7:  Toll House, No Cookie

  1. “Hello, is there anybody in there? Is there anyone home” a loving parody of “Comfortably Numb”, copyright 1979 music and lyrics by David Gilmour and Roger Waters.
  2. “Clever girl” and Garnett’s purr - parody of Jurassic Park. Copyright 1993, Universal Pictures.


Episode 8:  Two Steps Forward, One Step Back

  1. “I’m going to put you on the wrong end of a” https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Turducken


Episode 9:  Choose the Right

  1. “Never pick up a duck in a dungeon” Munchkin. Copyright 2001 Steve Jackson Games
  2. “Abandon all hope, ye who enter here” Inferno, Canto 3, line 9 by Dante Alighieri. Public domain.
  3. “A dwarf named Emcee Escher” loving reference to https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/M._C._Escher


Episode 10:  A Dance with the Crossroads Devil

  • “I’m not a coward, I’ve just never been tested” parody of “The Impression that I Get” by The Mighty Mighty Bosstones, 1997.
  • "O mickle is thy powerful grace." adapted from Romeo and Juliet, Act 2, Scene 3, by William Shakespeare. Public domain
  • “He clearly fell on his knife.  Five times? Six.” loving parody of “Cell Block Tango” by John Cander and Fred Ebb. Copyright 1975.
  • “It’s glowing! That means it’s working” loving parody of “Just Another Working Class Stiff” written by Phil Foglio (plus Michael Gilbert, Willie Schubert, and Larry Brown.)  Copyright 1989. Palliard Press. Important note: NOT SAFE FOR WORK IN ANY WAY.
  • “Fear no more the heat of the sun” adapted from Cymbeline, Act 4, Scene 2, by William Shakespeare. Public domain.


Episode 11:  The Gong Show

  1. "With heaven’s bright hand I smite at thee" was modeled on Herman Melville’s line in Moby Dick, "from hell’s heart I stab at thee; for hate’s sake I spit my last breath at thee." Public Domain.


Episode 12:  Only a Free Action Away

  • “Kenobi-level bullshit” Parody of Star Wars: A New Hope. Copyright 1977, Lucasfilms.


Episode 13:  Peer Pressure from Dead People

  • Historical note: Rowan’s war crimes are specifically based on the Battle of Big Hole, part of the US government’s war against the Nez Perce (nimíi puu) in 1877. In the pre-dawn attack, the US soldiers were given orders to “they’re still asleep. Aim low.”  I wrote this information in my journals when I visited Big Hole National Battlefield in 2015, but most of this has been scrubbed from the National Parks website under the current administration.  https://www.nps.gov/biho/
  • "O mickle is thy powerful grace." adapted from Romeo and Juliet, Act 2, Scene 3, by William Shakespeare. Public domain
  • “Are you sayin’ he’s dead” and the ensuing banter inspired by and lovingly ripped off from “The Parrot Sketch” by John Cleese and Graham Chapman, copyright 1969 and on their album, “The Final Rip Off” from 1987
  • “If you're going to hoot with the owls, you still gotta be able to scream with the eagles the next morning.”  I was told this verbatim during a morning run in the Navy in the summer of 1991. It was the morning after a friend got amazingly drunk celebrating their 21st birthday.
  • “Vimes Boots Company” a loving reference to The Sam Vimes Theory of Socioeconomic Unfairness, first documented in Men at Arms, copyright 1993 GNU Sir Terry Pratchett.

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